Mug 92

Take That, Hillary

2008-02-06T12:21:00.000-06:00

I'm sure some musicians and actors will do the same for Hillary soon...

Buzzkill

2008-02-03T15:12:00.000-06:00

Deb informed me that one needs to run nearly 1.5 miles to work off the calories consumed in one 12 oz. Budweiser. Not good news. I've attended one going-out-of-business bash, one standard (for lack of a better word) birthday party, one surprise birthday party, and one leaving-the-country party over the past three days/nights. I might need to run a marathon today.

Hail to the Future Chief

2008-01-16T09:45:00.000-06:00

My chances of meeting a President (past, present, future, U.S., French, or otherwise) has increased from 0.00 to 0.00001 percent. I don't know if the Democratic or Republican candidates make a point to visit their caucus headquarters, but if so, I'm going to be spending a lot of time in the bathroom. I found out this morning that Barack Obama's HQ is about 30 feet from my office. All the second-hand information I could ever want about the man is just around the corner, so let me know if you have any questions. If he actually visits, I figure it would be a crowded affair, and my best chance to cross paths would be in the communal lavatory.

Foot Feeding

2008-01-13T13:13:00.000-06:00

"If I didn't have arms, I don't think I'd eat as much."

Bless my friend, Juliette, who uttered this gem on Saturday night. Maybe you had to be there.

Taking the Stairs

2008-01-13T13:00:00.000-06:00

Late last week, a colleague and I were leaving the our building. As with most multi-level structures, there are two main methods for reaching the street level - the stairs and the elevator. He opted for the elevator; I took the stairs. When we met again two floors lower, he grumbled something about my good knees allowing me to tackle 50 stairs.

His self-deprecating mumble triggered an interesting revelation. Over the last five years, I've worked with a main core of about 10 guys. Of those, four men would be considered by many to be...umm...husky. One gentleman lost probably 40-50 pounds in the last two years, spurred by a diabetes diagnosis. A second man has had serious back issues and multiple back surgeries. A third co-worker currently has some back problems, walks gingerly, and struggles with stairs. A fourth, the man noted in the opening paragraph, apparently has some knee and wrist problems.

I'm neither a paragon of health nor without my ailments, but my less bulky colleagues and I can generally handle physical tasks that are tough for at least three of our co-workers. This is a very general, black-and-white overview of a small group, but I find it interesting to note the clear weight/ailment delineation in this one office.

Blah

2008-01-07T14:02:00.000-06:00

Blah. Contrary to the previous post, that's how I'm feeling at the moment. Maybe it's just Monday. Maybe I haven't been sleeping well. Maybe it's the New Year. Maybe it's simply one of those days when malaise seeps in for a few hours.

I blame it on all the pizza I ate this weekend.

This morning, we wrapped up what will likely be my final major project at my current job. Typically, such a feat would be met with a smattering of applause, but the final sign-off trickled by with only a "We're done" sent via IM. My guess is that we're all too mired in the reality of looking for work to celebrate much. I believe it's best that I don't send my colleagues these links:

Paul Krugman: "From Hype to Fear"
Paul Krugman: Charts to back up the article

He addresses the most recent unemployment report and compares the job data during the Clinton and Bush presidencies. It's a reminder that my two periods of unemployment (late 2001 into 2002 and now) occurred at the same time as two poor swings in the U.S. economy. These times also (sadly) came shortly after my two real forays into the market, only to watch my money dwindle.

Never fear. I'll cheer up soon enough.

A good reason...

2008-01-07T10:07:00.000-06:00

Yes, I'm being lazy and posting a video, but there's a good reason. The guy who sits next to me at work shaved his head over the weekend and is wearing glasses today. He doesn't really look like this guy...but a corner-of-my-eye view generated the memory of the dancing man. Enjoy.

Done!

2007-12-31T11:29:00.000-06:00

The NFL regular season is over. Thank goodness. I know this is a time of mourning for many football fans, but yesterday was a time of celebration for me. No more long Sundays in the office, eating crappy food, festering under the heat of 10 televisions, complaining with co-workers, etc. Oh, it wasn't all bad, but I'd rather watch football with friends or solo on my couch.

I'm not much of a dancer, so I'm letting Mr. Edwards celebrate for me. At least I think he's dancing. He seems happy anyway.

For those interested, here's how my various fantasy football seasons fared (listed in terms of importance/money invested):

League 1) Made it to the playoffs, lost, won, lost...which equals sixth place. Probably won't play in this league next year. Braylon Edwards did his best to carry my team. Larry Johnson did not.

League 2) Didn't make the playoffs, won, won, won in the toilet bowl...which means I get the number one pick in 2008. Sweet. Hello, Mr. Tomlinson. Thank you to Mr. Westbrook and Mr. Owens for their contributions.

League 3) Made it to the playoffs, won, lost in semifinals. It was a free league, and I was not eligible for a prize...so who cares? Won't be in that league next year.

There you have it. Not a terribly successful campaign, but I don't really care right now. It's time to soak in the NFL playoffs, find a new job, and then get ready for fantasy baseball. Care to know about my keeper list?

Dammit

2007-12-28T09:58:00.000-06:00

My lame-duck job offers very few perks these days. Let me see if I can count all of them. One, they still pay me. Two, free coffee. Three, heated garage. Four, I can play Guitar Hero during works hours because nobody cares.

Well, you can cross one thing off the list. Although we have more than a month left in this office, the powers that be called down and had our coffee maker and water cooler taken away today. No more liquids for this crew. I can only imagine how difficult it would have been for someone to flip that switch 30-some days from now.

Damn them. If it wasn't for my stuffy head and sore throat, I might be able to generate some more vicious bile over this move.

Sorry...

2007-12-26T21:41:00.000-06:00

...but my niece is just so cute.

Humbug

2007-12-24T17:47:00.000-06:00

Merry X-Mas Eve, Everyone.

I'm sitting at my desk, drinking a beer, and slowly realizing that my sister and mother have no intention of calling me when they are done shopping. So much for meeting up with family today.Oh well.

Instead, I'm praying (is that a joke?) that The Bulldog is open so that I can get a beer, wolf down some tater tots, read a book, and wallow in own thoughts. I can be an awfully dangerous thinker when bored. I think it's an inherited trait. Tonight seems like a good time to cook up an unfounded conspiracy. Wish me luck.

Update: Just got the call. Darn. So much for the alone time.

Hoops night

2007-12-19T22:32:00.001-06:00

"You have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting."

-A so-so bad guy quote from a terrible movie I've seen too many times on USA/TBS/TNT. Look it up if you really want to know.

It was a rough night on the court for Ziggy's Zappers, which is the name of my men's rec league club. We ran into the second-best squad (The Dirty 13th) and left the court with a little less dignity than we had prior to tip-off. I won't go into details about that, though.

I'm more interested in the drive home, when I was thinking about the contest. The Dirty 13th are a fast, physical club. They run, they play defense, they frustrate their opponents. As I was driving home, I began making vows. To join the gym. To run. To lift weights. To work on my jump shot. To be better at basketball for future clashes with The Dirty 13th. My competitive fire flared.

Then, I remembered that I'm 30. It's not very important to be good at basketball at this point in my life. Rather than dedicate extra hours to working on such a skill, I should work towards being a better friend, uncle, boyfriend, writer, bad movie buff, Scrabble player, etc.

I know that I sound like a stereotypical, whiny "guy," but sometimes it's tough to turn off the deep-seeded drive tied to athletics. The one that causes me to swear at soccer refs and still dream of being a major league pitcher or an NFL wide receiver.

Anyway, I won't be headed to the Y at 6:30 tomorrow morning.

**Photo found on myspaceantics.com

Hey Ya!

2007-12-18T09:49:00.000-06:00

If you're in a bad mood, maybe this will help. The beginning and the section from about 2:20-3:00 are the best.

Oh, and watch the dark-haired girl in green and the spiky-haired guy in gold dance. Brilliant.

All hail!

2007-12-17T12:52:00.000-06:00

I love it when two headlines like this pop up next to each other:

"Bush says economy is safe and sound."
"Stocks dip on economic worries."

Ah, the influence of the president.

Old men

2007-12-16T15:28:00.001-06:00

On Saturday, five buddies and I played some hoops at our old high school. We felt a little old for the obvious reasons - young kids roaming the halls, letter jackets with "11" on them, tiring out early, etc. But that's not the amusing part of this tale. Following our three-on-three session, five of us went out for lunch.

We're only 30 years old (one of us is 31 or "nearly 35," as the waitress said), but our lunch chat included (1) shake-your-head discussion of kids these days and (2) a comparison of physical ailments and talk about cancer. It felt like we suddenly jumped from 25 to 70 years old. Depressing.

W00t!

2007-12-13T15:58:00.000-06:00

Tonight is our ~~annual~~ first holiday office party since 2002. It will also be our last office party, since we're packing our grocery bags and losing our gigs on January 31. Thus, I expect it to be quite the shindig, despite the fact that my boss is foregoing the event. That's probably for the better because many of us are very bitter towards him for various reasons.

Meat will be consumed.
Drinks will be drunk.
Guitar Hero will be strummed.
Poker will be played.
Alliances will be forged.

All in all, it will likely be a disappointment.

Horton Hears...

2007-12-12T11:03:00.000-06:00

Merriam-Webster unveiled their Word of the Year, and it is "w00t." Yep. W00t. A word with two numbers in it. I'd call it a quixotic choice. I know of and have likely used the "word" because I used to play Everquest, but my online adventuring days are four or five years in the past. Thus, this choice doesn't exactly seem timely to me, but...whatever. Who am I to question the integrity (2005 WOY) of such a paragon of language?

Moon River

2007-12-11T12:49:00.000-06:00

Since my job (and therefore insurance) will cease on January 31, I've been taking advantage of the medical coverage. This morning's adventure was the Full Physical Examination. I added the "Full" because they specifically asked me when I made the appointment.

"Would you like the full physical?" (her emphasis)

"Yes. Yes, I would."

Along with the 12-hour fast (drink plenty of water!), I spent the last day or two mentally preparing myself to receive the full extent of the "full" physical. It's all in the name of science and my own health, right? If the doc needs to stick a finger or three up my ass...well, I guess it's for my own benefit.

Let's get straight to the point: no prostate exam. Also no peeing in a cup, no reflex test (although the little hammer was on the desk), no describing my drinking habits...

"Do you use alcohol?"

"Yes."

That was it. No follow-up questions. Apparently it doesn't matter if I imbibe a bottle of tequila per day or just have two wine coolers on the weekend.

Go ahead and read that last sentence again. That's how long it took the doctor to check both my ears, my eyes, and my moles. Excuse me, sir, did I get the express physical? I'm pretty sure I asked for the "full" business. We even covered my family history: grandpa (prostate cancer), grandma (breast cancer, diabetes), grandpa (prostate), grandma (lung), father (lung)...

"Well, I don't see anything in the family history to worry about."

Really? I'm obviously not a doctor or even qualified to use WebMD, but...really?

I'm pleased to be a healthy, strapping 30-year-old man and happy to not have a hand stuck up my butt, but I can't help but feel like my physical revealed very little about me besides my height and weight.

question

2007-12-11T10:43:00.000-06:00

If gloves (such as mine) can fit on either hand, can they be called ambidextrous?

Local pride

2007-11-29T11:12:00.000-06:00

Macalester grad Omar Ansari started the local business Surly Brewing Company. I've only tasted their concoctions a time or two, but I may need to sample the swill again soon. This Wall Street-Journal article is about a legendary Belgium brew, but it includes this line:

Two American Web sites, Rate Beer and Beer Advocate, rank the strongest of Westvleteren's three products, a dark creamy beer known as "the 12," best in the world, ahead of beers including Sweden's Närke Kaggen Stormaktsporter and Minnesota's Surly Darkness.

Way to go, Surly. Too bad I generally don't enjoy dark beers.

On a side note, the story of the Trappist monks reminds me a lot of "The Drawing of the Dark," a book by Tim Powers. It's an entertaining read. Not wonderful. Not for everyone. But perfect for, say, an airplane ride.

2007-11-27T10:38:00.001-06:00

This is my niece, Francis, getting a bath on Thanksgiving Day. Yeah, she had to clean up in order to impress the in-laws.

I learned two valuable lessons during the holiday week/weekend. One, I know how to properly handle a small baby - at least in some situations. Two, one should not drink heavily in the night prior to a long morning flight.

My friend Melissa

2007-10-12T09:44:00.001-06:00

My pal Mel was in town over the weekend to run into the Twin Cities marathon, and, uh, it didn't go as well as expected. I found out on Monday night that she had collapsed due to heat exhaustion, dehydration, ridiculously high temperature... all that good stuff. The short story is that Melissa is out of ICU and back at either her mom's or her dad's place, and she'll return to Chicago this weekend. WCCO ran a story about her near-death experience.

The lesson, I think, is to never run marathons. You want to run? Fine. You want to push yourself? Fine. Make your goal...oh...5 miles, 10 miles? Maybe even 12 miles. That seems much more reasonable, right?

Question

2007-10-11T09:30:00.000-06:00

Like many people, I enjoy reading Thomas Friedman, and he posted a column on Wednesday about "Generation Q." This is his moniker for college-age people (and 20-somethings), and his basic point is that these kids aren't angry enough or radical enough to be asking politicians the questions that they should be. Namely, in his words, "What is your plan for mitigating climate change? What is your plan for reforming Social Security? What is your plan for dealing with the deficit — so we all won’t be working for China in 20 years?" He scolds the passivity of e-mail, Facebook and online petitions.

Do you think, in a very general sense, recent generations are too distracted or too busy to publicly stand up for such issues?

New addition

2007-10-04T14:14:00.001-06:00

My sis and her hubby-to-be are now the proud new owners of this scrappy little fella. He currently resides in Duluth, MN but will somehow make his way to San Francisco, CA. My guess is that this innocent wheaten terrier, a sarcastic cat, and a tough and dumb but good-hearted bulldog will team up and find their way across the country - with hilarious results and funny dialogue. Starring: the voices of Robin Williams, Annette Bening, and The Rock.

Damn, Them Boys Are Good!

2007-10-04T14:06:00.000-06:00

Not only did I catch fish this past weekend, I also netted three (count 'em...1...2...3) fantasy football wins. Seeing as how I'm only in three leagues, it's tough for me to do much better than 3-0.

My various teams actually didn't play particularly well, but the combination of inept and injury-plagued opponents helped me to earn those three wins - one of which was slightly controversial. My rosters seemed to be filled with more and more ailing players with each passing day, but I won't use the maladies as an excuse... until I lose this Sunday.

In the words of former colleague Court E. Mann...Stay hot!

Proof of my prowess

2007-10-01T14:35:00.000-06:00

Deb and her father took me fishing with them this past weekend. It was the first time I've grabbed a pole (insert joke here) since I was a wee, pre-teen lad, and I'd never truly been on a fishing excursion. My past experience included throwing a line off a dock and...uh...that's about it.

This picture was taken on our first night, after a long day on the water. On this Friday, we slept in a bit, ate a big breakfast, purchased some minnows and a license, and put the boat out in Birch Lake. We motored for roughly seven seconds before the engine sput...sput...sputtered. Deb's dad pumped the gas line, shook the can, cleaned out the lines, checked the gas filter, cleaned out valves, cursed, and tried just about every trick he knew. No dice.

So, we headed to the Trading Post in Remer, MN for some advice from the local shopkeep/engineer. We systematically eliminated a number of issues and settled on buying a new hose from the gas tank to the engine.

Back to Birch Lake and sput...sput...sputter went the engine after about 14 seconds. Further on-lake inspection uncovered a problem with the tube/filter in the gas tank. Deb's dad stuck various objects into the tank in an effort to capture the missing piece, and after about 30 minutes, he pincered the piece and put all the parts back in place. And...we're off! At about 4:00, I figure.

Birch Lake proved to be windy, cold, and a bust for fishing - which stinks because getting to the lake involves navigating a shallow canal filled with logs and muck and weeds for about 20 minutes. We eventually switched over to another lake and nabbed 6 or 7 crappies for the Saturday night feast.

Good news

2007-09-26T15:29:00.001-06:00

A quick update: All the news from my brother's friend sounds positive. I don't have many details, but it sounds like the doctors believe they rid his body of the cancer via the operation. I imagine he will still need either chemo or radiation...but, heck, I'm no doctor.

Two steps forward, one step back

2007-09-26T15:14:00.000-06:00

Three weeks down, 14 to go. Another mixed bag for my fantasy football teams again this past Sunday and Monday. On the positive side, I won two of three games. The kicker you see here (picture courtesy Elsa/Getty Images) tried his best to send my most important squad to 0-3. He missed field goals from 42 and 43 yards, causing me to utter something like, "Mr. Wilkins, you have greatly vexed me! If you were in my presence, I would deliver unto you a most thorough thrashing!"

The bad news is that the best club I own, a 2-1 juggernaut that leads the inter-office league in points, is riddled with injuries. One of my starting running backs strained his abdomen; the other tore the ACL in his left knee. And Mr. Andre Johnson, featured in the previous fantasy football post, will miss a second straight game in Week 4. Oh, and my quarterback has cracked ribs. Good times.

Alas, injuries are all part of the journey that is fantasy football...we persevere and move forward.

I'm so popular...

2007-09-25T14:28:00.000-06:00

For the second time in less than a week, I've been invited...nay...begged to fill in for a softball game. Last Friday, I ~~led~~ was part of a co-ed club that won both games of a doubleheader. Tonight, I'll be suiting up for a men's league game. Word on the street is that I'll be behind the plate. Donning the tools of ignorance, if you will. I plan on calling mostly fastballs. Maybe mix in a curve or two. A few sliders. I wish softball games had runners to throw out on steals.

From my one summer of men's league experience, all I can pray for is a victory. We males can be awfully surly and stupid when we don't win.

And here's the video that goes along with this picture. Possibly the best episode of all time.

Family News

2007-09-21T11:57:00.001-06:00

It's been an interesting few days on the family front.

First, the fun news. Check out my future brother-in-law. It's especially endearing at about the 1:30 mark...aww....

Second, my mom is currently on a month-long trip in Europe. One of her best friends is a world traveler who often persuades my mom to peruse the corners of this Earth. This particular time is a boating venture on the major European rivers. They stop in many places and (apparently) take bus tours from there. If you know my mother, you'd know that the bus part is not her cup of brew. In her words:

"The trip has been an adventure so far - lots to learn about Eastern Europe. The boat is beautiful but the people on it are ugly Americans for the most part. Even (my friends) are goofy! Nobody wants to skip out on the bus trips and go have a beer. They always think it's a crime to venture out on one's own and it's driving me crazy!!! One day when the boat was docked and we were told to stay aboard and it was a beautiful day, I hopped over my little balcony and went ashore. It was great. "

I love her....

Third, and this one is a downer, my brother's good friend had surgery earlier this week. He is 32 or 33 and has testicular cancer. What little I know is that the operation went well, and hopefully the cancer didn't spread. Yet another reminder of our vulnerability, even at a young age.

Praise be my WRs

2007-09-19T09:51:00.000-06:00

Two down, 15 to go. After a disappointing 1-2 start, my three fantasy teams rose to the occasion and...wait, I went 1-2 again in Week 2. Dammit. The positive spin is that my one victory came in my inter-office league, which allows for a small degree of bragging rights. Mr. Andre Johnson (pictured here, courtesy of AP/Mike McCarn) and his fellow starting wideouts (Terrell Owens, Donald Driver) led my squad to the second-best score of the week.

Unfortunately, Johnson also sprained his left knee and could be out for a week or more. Why wouldn't it be? The fantasy football fates wouldn't want me to win two in a row, right? *shakes fist at sky*

And, in other news, Aarrggh! If you find some buried treasure today, will you split the booty with me?

Robert Jordan

2007-09-17T13:24:00.000-06:00

I'm sad today. My buddy Tim sent me an email this morning regarding the passing of James Rigney at the age of 58. That man wrote under the pen name of "Robert Jordan" (seen in that there image to the left). That first link sends you to a blog of writer George R.R. Martin, whose works I purchased solely because Jordan provided a promising quote for the cover. You got that right, Mr. Martin.

Roughly nine years ago, my friends Mike and Kristy introduced my to Jordan's "Wheel of Time" series, which began in 1990 and currently includes 11 books and what seems like 10,000 pages. I enthusiastically conquered the first seven novels before losing some interest. But my personal feelings about the series don't diminish Jordan's accomplishments and his place in the fantasy writing industry. Millions of people have read his works.

Anyway, I'm sad that Mr. Rigney wasn't able to complete this epic, epic work. He poured his heart and soul and mind into this masterpiece of fantasy fiction for at least 20 years. I can't even imagine such an undertaking. And he was working on the 12th and final book when he passed. It makes me want to cry. I'm sure some other capable writer will gain access to his notes and outlines and finish the Wheel of Time, but it won't be the same.

This is a better link from CBC News about his life and accomplishments.

p.s.
Yes, I am a nerd who reads fantasy books. Sue me.

Nature or Nurture?

2007-09-13T12:17:00.001-06:00

I have a habit. I'm not sure if it's a good habit or a bad habit. I think it's just a habit. I'm pretty sure this trait is a cross between my penny-pinching Dad and my dollar-spending Mom. And maybe add in a bit of my personal Minnesota roots (that is: Norwegian frugalness, Catholic guilt for spending too much).

To the point... I have a strong tendency to buy the second-worst of everything. Usually I don't think of it that way, but it's the truth.

For instance, let's pretend I go to Target tonight in search of a paper shredder or a bath towel or a spatula. Chances are, barring any on-sale stuff, I'll identify the cheapest product and then buy the next-cheapest one. I'm probably just tricking myself into thinking I'm not cheap...while secretly being cheap.

Does anyone else fall into this pattern? I'm not saying I do this for absolutely everything (I've broken out of this mold for jeans), but given the option, I'll probably act in this manner.

Sounds like my Uncle...

2007-09-13T12:12:00.001-06:00

Sit right back and you'll read a tale... of one of the greatest beer drinkers of the modern era. Ladies and gentlemen, take the time out to read about the daily exploits of Mr. Wade Boggs.

2005 Hall of Fame Class
Career .328 average
3,010 hits
Thousands and thousands of Miller Lites.

FF Season

2007-09-12T10:56:00.000-06:00

One down, 16 to go. It's the NFL football season again, which means I spend roughly nine hours every Sunday in the workplace. It could be worse, I guess. We do spend the day watching all the games, commenting, eating, and writing articles. It could be better, too. Like if my company allowed us to have a day off during the week as compensation for working on Sunday.

Anyway, my personal fantasy squads are off to a mediocre 1-2 start, thanks in part to ~~jackass~~ Plaxico Burress scoring three touchdowns for my opponent (photo from Getty Images). Yes, I'm supposed be to an "expert," but I'm also playing against "experts." I've instructed my fantasy football players that it's a long season and that they should not get down on themselves.

What, we're not supposed to talk to our fantasy football players? The strange thing is that they actually respond. In my head.

Yawn

2007-09-07T13:05:00.001-06:00

It's Friday afternoon. Nearly three hours to go at work. I'm bored. Booooorrrreeed. All my pencils and spreadsheets are aligned for the first Sunday of the football season, and I can't think of anything better to do than look at hybrid dogs who share my name or job postings in the area.

Such afternoons drive me straight to the bottle. Who am I kidding? Everything drives me to the bottle. Or the mug, as available.

Maybe I should switch over to the financial industry, then I could spend today freaking out about the US employment numbers. That seems like a blast. My own penny-full portfolio is losing cents by the minute. Sweet.

Can't Miss

2007-09-06T14:35:00.000-06:00

I apologize for the lack of posts recently. I could come up with an excuse (laziness) or two (NFL season) or three (no home computer until last week), but, really, I'm just a bum.

A headline on a popular, general website that I read today got me to thinking about the incompleteness of my life, my ability to socialize, and how this fall's choices will ultimately affect my soul. The headline: "10 Can't-Miss TV Shows"

At first, I thought that the list would be about 10 new shows that could not possibly fail. No chance. Never happen. Remember those 10 shows that didn't miss last fall? Me either. So maybe the headline means something else. Maybe they are saying that I, Ted, cannot possibly miss these shows...

...or what? That's the cliffhanger. The thorn in my brain. What will happen to me? Will I be a social outcast? Will my life be somehow less complete? Will I not get into heaven? I'm scared.

MN sports

2007-08-20T13:23:00.000-06:00

In the on-going crappyness that is MN sports, I present this update to Bauschy's previous post:

Team runs since the All-Star break:
28. Rangers: 144
29. Indians: 142
30. Twins: 112

Dead last...and it's not even close.

Team ERA since the All-Star break:
1. Blue Jays: 3.12
2. Twins: 3.59
3. Rockies: 3.78

I love good pitching, but it seems like our rotation is going to implode soon. How many nights in a row can you toe the rubber thinking, "If I give up two runs, we're going to lose"?

The good news is that the Vikings defense has scored four touchdowns through two preseason games. They'll need to keep it up. The offense has crossed the goal line once and may need five or six regular season contests to pile up four touchdowns.

Maybe I need to start watching hockey...

Neurogenesis

2007-08-20T12:50:00.000-06:00

Reason #398 why I need to exercise more: Neurogenesis.

"As you get older, your brain gets smaller, and one of the areas most prone to this shrinkage is the hippocampus. (This can start depressingly early, in your 30’s.) Many neurologists believe that the loss of neurons in the hippocampus may be a primary cause of the cognitive decay associated with aging."

Sweeeet. Stupid 30s.

Mr. Riches

2007-08-16T09:54:00.000-06:00

No, that's not my new nickname after Wednesday's Power-Ball. That's the dude who is suing Michael Vick, as seen in this riveting document. It's a must-read for people who are able to read.

Sigh

2007-08-13T13:00:00.000-06:00

A few weeks ago, I became Death. I'm not sure if you knew this or not. Probably not. I don't talk about it very much. I'm pretty humble about the whole thing. At the same time, three of my friends were dubbed War, Pestilence and Famine, and we four males were subject to Karah's bidding.

Or something like that. I don't recall all the details. Beer and shots were involved in the creation and planning processes.

Anyway, apparently my reign isn't putting much fear into my followers. The people of Mexico City have "unveiled a softer image" of Death. Famine and War are going to make so much fun of me. This sucks.

Salespersonship

2007-08-10T12:34:00.000-06:00

I'm not a salesman. This much I know about myself. This much my friends could probably tell you about me. For instance, I couldn't do this.

But I realized today how poor I am at convincing other people to do stuff. This afternoon I attempted to get my colleagues to smell an otherwise inconspicuous jar of peanut butter. "Why?" was the obvious question from the mob. And I had no better response than "Just do it," which didn't work.

For the record, the chunky peanut butter in question carried an expiration date of April 2005. And it smelled like...well, I haven't quite figured that out. Imagine wearing a pair of socks 50 times for working out. Then take those sweat-soaked socks and store them behind your fridge. Take them out when they are dusty and moldy. Now smell.

Steelers New Mascot

2007-08-09T12:27:00.001-06:00

Gotta love those Steelers! Right, Karah?

Check out their new mascot: Steely McBeam.

No, I did not make that name up. If I did, it would have been Ike Ironsides. Or Theo Three-Rivers. Or Freddy Five-Super-Bowl-Rings-Bitches.

More on Bonds

2007-08-09T12:07:00.000-06:00

By no means do I believe our political leaders need to be well-versed or even interested in sports, but I still found President Bush's quotes about Barry Bonds to be quite amusing. Especially since Mr. Bush owned part of the Texas Rangers for five years and regularly attended games, which means he should know a thing about the sports and the impact of performance-enhancing drugs. My two favorite responses from the AP article:

--On whether Bonds record is tainted or should have an asterisk:

"There is a lot of speculation about Barry Bonds, and my only advice for people is to just let history be the judge. Let's find out the facts, and then everybody's opinion -- one way or the other -- will be verified or not verified... It really depends on what the facts are, and it's going to be up to them to make the determination as to asterisk, but more importantly, it will be the Hall of Fame... In the meantime, anybody who knows the game will tell you, Barry Bonds is a great hitter."

That's funny for multiple reasons. First, the "find out the facts" part because...well, you know, that whole Iraq thing. Second, the last line is priceless. Really? Bonds is pretty good, huh? We didn't know that, sir. We're thankful that you, an informed viewer of the sport, can lend such insight.

--On steroids:
"I think it's bad for the game."

Sensational!

2007-08-08T10:15:00.000-06:00

I have to rant for a moment. Both on ESPN and on Yahoo! this morning, journalists used the word "unlikely" to describe the man who caught Barry Bonds' 756th home run. Yahoo(exclamation point!) went as far as to label Matt Murphy "the most unlikely fan."

Really?

1) He was at the game and sitting in the outfield.
2) He is a 22-year-old male who appears to be in at least decent physical condition.

Who else was going to come out of that scrum with the ball? Apparently the three-year-old kid sitting behind the plate was more likely to catch the ball than Mr. Murphy. Apparently me sitting in my apartment in Minneapolis had a better shot than the "most likely fan."

Hooray!

2007-08-07T07:30:00.000-06:00

You can now discard the "potential" in front of the "future brother-in-law" listing.

Deb, if you're reading this, don't get any crazy ideas...

Jealous

2007-08-06T14:11:00.000-06:00

I'm very jealous right now. My sister and potential, future brother-in-law are currently in Cape Town and have forwarded some pictures.

Lucky bastards.

35W pics

2007-08-06T12:37:00.001-06:00

Thanks to Karah for the link. Someone with a camera who was close to the action and quick to react:

Collapse

What to do?

2007-08-06T11:02:00.000-06:00

I just realized that today is August 6. That means tomorrow is my parents' anniversary, the first one since my father's death. I think it's tomorrow, anyway. Year after year after year I've gotten the date wrong. Usually I think it's the 10th.

I have no idea what to do. I don't know what my mom will do. The good news is that my aunt and uncle are in town, so at least she has some people in the house with her. I suppose I'll just go over there tomorrow night. Any brilliant ideas?

Explanation

2007-08-03T11:38:00.000-06:00

I knew the government was behind this!

Possible explanation of 35W bridge collapse.

Update: that web site is scary

35W

2007-08-02T11:45:00.001-06:00

So...umm...yeah. Not so good times in Minneapolis. My softball teammates, Deb, and I were scheduled to meet at a bar very close to the now-collapsed 35W bridge before heading to the Twins game. I must have arrived at the bar about three minutes before the bridge went down. Deb showed up less than 10 minutes after me and said she saw smoke. She thought it was dust from the construction, as the news hadn't spread yet. And we were maybe 1/4 mile from the bridge.

I'm sure Ben or Tim will soon tell their father's tale. He was driving across the bridge when it started to collapse. Their dad actually had to drive up the falling pavement. He looked in his rearview mirror and saw no more bridge in place. I have no idea how fast he was going, but it sounds like he was damn fortunate. I know their father pretty well and wasn't surprised when Tim said his dad said something like, "I'm fine. No scratches on the car." My guess would be that the incident sunk in a little more last night and through today.

Anyway, I'm happy he's safe. I'm sad about all the people who were not so lucky.

Update: Read Ben's post for more details.

Guitar Hero

2007-08-01T11:24:00.000-06:00

This is a photo from my first and only foray into the world of "Guitar Hero." I dominated Deb, and you can see why. She bothers to look at and pose for the camera. Me? I give a token smile, but my eyes never leave the screen.

Movie Previews

2007-07-27T12:17:00.000-06:00

I don't see many movies these days, but that I doesn't mean I'm immune to previews...

Extremely Excited: No Country for Old Men

Mildly Excited: The Darjeeling Limited

Looks Kind of Crappy: Beowulf

Will Have to Go Alone: Dynamite Warrior

Would Love to See But Will Probably Forget: Lust, Caution

Wish They Hadn't Remade: Sleuth

Ben Will Try to Convince Me to See: King of Kong

Yeah, yeah

2007-07-27T11:57:00.000-06:00

Yes, I've been lazy about posting lately. We've had a busy 20-day run at work, I spent some of that time in San Francisco, and my laptop at home was rendered useless by a lightning strike. Excuses, excuses, excuses. I apologize, okay?

My brother, sister-in-law, sister, and potential brother-in-law all reside in San Francisco, which explains the visit. As noted earlier, my sister-in-law is pregnant. Six months down. Three to go. Babies still take nine months, right? Science hasn't figured out how to cut it to nine weeks or something? She looks good - pregnant glow, pregnant waddle, etc. I think my brother is starting to cope with the idea of a baby breaking up his normal schedule. I didn't see my sister too much - something about a three-day BAR exam (Mon-Wed) and a trip to South Africa (starting Thurs). Busy life, she has.

Anyway, I hope to get a new laptop soon so that I can adequately and more frequently post from the comfort of my apartmentstead. Life could get busy again soon, though. Last night Karah appointed me as Death. Could be a tough job. We'll see.

Collector's Item?

2007-07-13T09:17:00.000-06:00

On Wednesday night, ace third basewoman and ~~struggling~~ adept number-two hitter Angie purchased cans of Budweiser for our softball team. Said cans included images of Dale Earnhardt, Jr., the overrated NASCAR driver. Somehow two cans of the bubbly delicacy were left over at night's end, and she gave one to me. The Budweiser is safely tucked away in my fridge and may now be a collector's item...

Bud to Dale: Git 'r Off my Can!

Then again, I said similar things about all the baseball cards I accumulated a couple decades ago, and those cardboard coasters aren't worth crap.

What about Morpheus?

2007-07-12T11:10:00.000-06:00

Regular readers of Fark.com probably already saw this story, but I'm pasting it here, too. Why? Well, I have a crazy question.

Let's pretend you are a big dog at, say, the British Museum, and the historical center housed a bunch of tablets with cuneiform inscriptions. And let's say the museum held those tablets since, say, 1920.

Do you think you would have an expert maybe take a look at those there tablets within the first 87 years of them sitting on display? Or just let them sit there and try to guess what they say?

Lunch

2007-07-06T12:07:00.000-06:00

"It is better to be happy than wise."
-My fortune cookie

I disagreed and refused to eat the whole cookie. There's no way Confucius said that.

"Life in a Cage"

2007-07-02T08:53:00.000-06:00

I'm not sure if I feel more (1) sad for Amber and Jaxon Willits or (2) respect for Reggie's dedication to his craft.

I'll let you be the judge of their dwelling choice.

Dammit!

2007-06-28T17:27:00.001-06:00

Well, it was a good run while it lasted. I returned home from work today and noticed that my new/used hubcap had already jumped ~~ship~~ car.

Is that like a body rejecting a donated organ?

Should I be offended? Or is this just another sign that I need a new car? Or no car at all?

Hubcap, baby, hubcap...

2007-06-28T08:01:00.000-06:00

About five or six years ago, my Altima shed its left front hubcap on a snowy, icy, slick cloverleaf in Edina. Since that day, I've told myself that the missing part gave the car character - a tough attitude. And by "tough" I mean it was like putting a bulldog tattoo on Abigail Breslin and claiming she's now bad-ass. But, anyway, I didn't want to invest in new tires and rims because I don't care much about cars other than I use them to get from A to B.

Last night, Deb and I left a drinking establishment in Uptown and were walking down the sidewalk to her car. I stopped abruptly and stared at the ground. A hubcap. A Nissan hubcap. Just sitting there on the ground. Alone. Dirty. I stood there looking at the lonely vehicle accessory and silently pondered my next actions. Deb saw my actions and verbalized the events:

"Are you looking at that hubcap?"
"Hey, I wonder if...it does say 'Nissan' on it!"
"Is it the same as yours?"

"We'll see." And see we did. I took the hubcap back to my block, snapped it onto my tire (now on the front right), and...no more black eye.

And to think I was in a horrible mood last night before that happened...

Tony Blair

2007-06-27T11:01:00.000-06:00

I found this to be interesting: 25 or so opinions in the Telegraph regarding Tony Blair's 10-year run as Prime Minister. Mr Blair is now set to become ~~Bush's lackey~~ envoy for the US, UN, EU, and Russia in the Middle East. My research uncovered the following news regarding that position:

"The 2007 Envoy is a midsize SUV that seats five and comes in three trim levels: SLE, SLT and Denali. SLE versions come with 17-inch alloy wheels, dual-zone manual air-conditioning, a CD player, full power accessories, keyless entry and OnStar telematics."

Dual-zone AC will be a huge help in Syria and Saudi Arabia. Huge. And nobody goes into Afghanistan without OnStar. Or so I hear.

But seriously, that Telegraph article was neat and links to other appealing articles and opinions about Blair and Gordon Brown, his successor.

Any idea is a good idea

2007-06-26T13:53:00.000-06:00

Some friends of friends are holding a "White Trash" party this weekend. As far as I know, it's the second annual - which is to say the second one I've been invited to. Last year, I ran around in the mid-afternoon trying to find quality clothing for myself and others, and I happened to hit upon a gem. Tight, white jean shorts for $4. Everything else - the hat, the shades, the stained wife-beater, the Dale Earnhardt Budweiser - was secondary to the beauty that was the white jean shorts.

Well, I can't find them. I probably either donated or tossed the shorts away when I moved last year. So, I'm back to square one and trying not to wait until the last minute. My softball teammate, Covert, already came up with the Greatest. Idea. Ever. I'm just hoping to show up in the second-best outfit of the evening.

Any ideas? Suggestions? Or should Deb and I just show up as George and Laura?

And baby makes...

2007-06-25T11:45:00.000-06:00

Book it. I'm headed to San Francisco next month to visit my brother, my sister-in-law, my sister, and my potential brother-in-law. My sister-in-law is due in early October, and this will be the first time I've seen my brother and her since the pregnancy. I've recently began shopping for clothes and other baby items to hand out on my visit. For the most part, I plan on being practical and trying to find stuff they will like, but...

I also spent some time today searching for an uncle-related outfit. Maybe an "I Love My Uncle" onesie. Simple. To the Point. Honest. My hunt brought me to a book which may be an even better purchase, even though my niece won't be able to use it for a few years.

"My Uncle Is a Hunkle, Says Clarice Bean"
--by Lauren Child

Aside from the fact that I am, in fact, a hunkle, this book offers one more meaningful tie-in:

"Clarice Bean is back in a second riotous family saga. When Mum and Dad both have to go away on Important Business, there's nothing for it but to ask Uncle Ted to babysit., Uncle Ted is a fireman and says he has had lots of close shaves which is funny because he has a beard. Pretty soon chaos reigns as the guinea pig escapes, Grandad disappears and Minal Cricket gets his head stuck in the railing."

Perfect, right?

Moving Quiz

2007-06-18T13:18:00.000-06:00

Amber's post suggests that Monday is not an option for answering these questions - or maybe I don't need to stick to a certain number? I'm not quite sure, but Karah tagged me so I'm diving in:

Ben - you're next!

1. Last song you downloaded:
"The Big Beast" - Magnolia Electric Co., Trials and Errors

2. What song are you listening to right now?
"Misty Life" - Oh Bijou

3. Any nicknames?
"Ted" is my nickname for Edward. My parents used to call me "Barney," but that faded away a long time ago. "TC" pops up on occasion, and my softball teammates call me "Uncle Ted"

4. Your heritage?
Mostly Swedish. Some German, some Norwegian, some Irish.

5. One thing that people might not know about you.
I don't like strawberries

6. First kiss: Spill it.
Does it count if you kiss a girl in kindergarten? If not, I think my first kiss was Kim Nichols in fourth or fifth grade. I recall plans for my friend Dan and I to both meet our girlfriends in the library to perform our first kisses. There was much phone discussion about the timing, the length, the actions, etc.

7. First 'Time': Love or lust?
Lust...and a bit of "It's about time to finally do this"

8. First wedding dance?
I'm getting married? Shoot, umm..."The Humpty Dance"? I have no idea...

9. Favorite place in Minneapolis?
Karah and Kevin's backyard...because Karah, Kevin, Chels, Matt, and Meredith are there when I am.

10. Song that reminds people of you.
"If you could only see" by Tonic. And I only say that because my friend in Chicago sends me a message every time she hears it. We spent way too much time trying to analyze the lyrics one summer. Yes, we were bored.

11. Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?
Deb. Or Scarlett Johansson

12. What is the last thing you do every night before you go to bed?
Before I go to bed? Usually I catch a bit of TV. Once I'm in bed...different story.

13. What would you say about your last ex?
She was very sweet and nice.

14. When was your last date?
Sometime in mid-May.

15. How was it?
Excellent. We talked, we walked, we laughed, we ate, we had a few beers. The only sad part is that this all happened during the afternoon, and we had to do something else that night.

16. Party: Entertainer or the entertained?
Entertained. I tend to listen rather than share.

Robbery

2007-06-11T11:20:00.001-06:00

I hate to blatantly copy a post from another site, but I'm going to blatantly copy a post from another site. It's too darn funny not to repeat. Some of you may have noticed the "With Leather" link over in the right column. Here's the site's recap on Rafael Nadal beating Roger Federer in the French Open:

"This just further cements the only story in men's tennis over the last three years: Federer is by far and away the best player in the world, but Nadal can beat him on clay. Nadal can beat pretty much anything on clay. Tigers. Sharks. Tiger sharks. Robot armies with tennis ball cannons. Cancer. If they could fit Darfur onto the court when he played, he could end the suffering there.

And all while wearing a sleeveless shirt, bandana, and capri pants. He's like an angelic gay pirate sent from Spain to protect us from Roger Federer's plans of world tennis domination. *Swoon*"

That's some wonderful blogging in my book.

For your viewing pleasure...

2007-06-07T20:43:00.000-06:00

http://www.apalmaweb.com/list.php

Did people know about this? Probably. I'm usually the last person to such parties. Anyway, you can go to those links and watch some TV shows, like "Lost" and "The Office" and (of course) "Saved by the Bell."

High School Knowledge

2007-06-04T11:11:00.000-06:00

Should you have graduated? Should I?

I'm not sure, but this list of Words Every High School Graduate Should Know sure does oxidize my hemoglobin...

Coincidence?

2007-06-04T10:39:00.000-06:00

(Sunday, June 3, 2007) -- A young, inexperienced United States managed a tidy result in defeating an undermanned China 4-1 last night before a good crowd of 20,832 at antiquated Spartan Stadium in San Jose, Calif.
--SoccerTimes

SHANGHAI, June 4 — China’s stock market tumbled again today in one of the biggest sell-offs in years.... The benchmark Shanghai Stock Exchange fell 330 points, or 8.3 percent, to close today at 3,670.40. The country’s other major index, the Shenzhen Composite, dropped 7.9 percent to close at 1,039.89.
--New York Times

USA Soccer is very powerful...

Marketing

2007-06-02T11:26:00.000-06:00

An ad I heard while snoozing this morning:

"Corona Light: It's the only light beer that's Corona!"

I was half-asleep, so I missed the rest of the ad. Maybe that line was supposed to be funny? If not, I'm forced to wonder how much Corona paid their marketing team for such brilliance.

I'm only buying Red Stripe from now on. Hooray Beer!

Update: Proof that I wasn't dreaming.

Dammit

2007-06-02T11:25:00.000-06:00

I probably jinxed myself with that post yesterday. Salomon Torres was removed as the Pirates closer, and now I'm going to own two of my co-workers a lunch. Dammit.

Torres Watch

2007-06-01T11:11:00.001-06:00

I know all of you are wondering about my efforts to win two free lunches, so it's time for an update. We're two months into the baseball season, and Salomon Torres has hit a bit of a wall. He's managed only one save over the last three weeks and blew a chance on Thursday night. I'm three saves away from winning one bet and four saves away from winning the second bet. Now would not be a good time for Mr. Torres to lose his gig.

LOTI 1, Ted 0

2007-05-29T06:36:00.000-06:00

I ditched my silly swimming efforts a few weeks ago and recently switched to running outside. Deb, who is a life-long runner, and the nice weather are to blame. I have no major goals; no aims to complete a marathon or half-marathon or 10k or 5K or 3k. I'm in it for the physical and mental ~~agony~~ health, and I'd someday like to run alongside Deb and be able to chat without passing out. So, I suppose that's a goal.

I'm only four runs into the spring (who's counting, though, really?), and I got a little cocky on Monday night. I should have known better. I almost didn't go because I left my iPod at work earlier in the day, and music helps me to drown out the "left, right, left, right, let's stop, want to stop? left, right, left, right" thoughts in my head. But I hiked up my short-shorts and hit the pavement sans tunes.

A few blocks into the run, I was feeling really good. My intended path called for me to take on a small section of Lake of the Isles (LOTI) before turning tail back towards my apartment. But a short time before reaching the LOTI trails, RunnerTed convinced SensibleTed to try and tame the lake. Not even another inner-voice which sounded a lot like Burgess Meredith (circa "Rocky") could stop me (Yer not ready, kid! She'll eat-cha alive!)

LOTI: 2.60m walking, 2.97m biking
to LOTI: around 1.1m

Well, as you can tell by the headline, the bitch won. By my guesstimate, I made it about 1.8-2.0 miles around before succumbing to fatigue. I walked for six or seven minutes and then ran the rest of the way around the lake and back to home base. So, I probably ran four (or a little over) of the 4.8 miles. Not bad. But not the whole thing.

I'm now licking my wounds and will have to work my way back up the running ladder. I'll fight some lesser contenders, build up my moxie, and hope for another shot at LOTI. So, yeah, maybe I do actually have running goals.

The glory days

2007-05-24T11:35:00.000-06:00

The potential return of a Tecmo Bowl game got me thinking about video games again. It doesn’t take much. I was addicted to video games for much of my life and am still drawn to my digital mistress from time to time. However, I believe many people of my generation long for the simplicity of the old days. Games turned more and more complex and “realistic” as technology advanced/improved. I, for one, didn’t need the changes. The best, most enjoyable games I’ve ever played were far from realistic.

Best football game: Tecmo Super Bowl
Pros: Nearly everything, Wayne Haddix
Cons: Not good for player vs. player

Best basketball game: NBA Jam
Pros: Create players, outstanding player vs. player, Grandpa
Cons: Dino Radja

Best baseball game: Baseball Stars
(narrowly edges out Baseball and Baseball Simulator 1.000)
Pros: Create Players, When It Is., prestige
Cons: Baseball Stars 2

Best hockey game: NHL ‘94
(beats out Nintendo Hockey)
--Okay, so this one breaks my “realistic” argument, sort of.

Best other sports game: Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out
Pros: Little Mac, Doc Louis

Cons: Mike Tyson

Best non-sports games:
1) The Legend of Zelda
2) Super Mario Bros.
3) Tetris
4) Pitfall!

Zelda was more complex than any sports game, but my bet is that the newer versions were/are not as fun as the original despite all the technology upgrades.

I’m not sure that I have a point here…other than you can take your Wii and your X-Box 360 and your Halo and shove it. Or shove them. Give me pixels and the basketball players with big heads and the running backs who can’t be stopped.

Duh

2007-05-22T10:50:00.000-06:00

Despite having a G-Mail account, I've stupidly stuck with my Yahoo e-mail in recent years. Laziness. That's my only reason. Anyway, my path to that mail runs through the Yahoo! homepage, which often suckers me into clicking on stupid stories. Such as:

"Summer Drink Shockers!
These fat-filled frozen drinks will sink your diet."

I'm not on a diet, but I'm curious. Here's the list:
1) Krispy Kreme - Mocha Dream Chiller
2) Dairy Queen - Peanut Butter Malt
3) Starbucks - Double Chocolate Chip Frappuccino Blended Crème with Whipped Cream
4) Fatburger - Chocolate Ice Cream Shake
5) Dunkin' Donuts - Vanilla Bean Coolatta

My question: Are there actually people who are on diets yet also going to Fatburger, ordering a chocolate shake, and thinking that it's low in calories?

And are they shocked - shocked! - to see this list? Dunkin' Donuts? Dairy Queen? Krispy Kreme? Say it ain't so!

Barry, etc.

2007-05-21T11:35:00.000-06:00

Thanks to a link on Bauschy.com, I ran into this graph about baseball's all-time home run hitters. At some point within the next month or two, Barry Bonds will hit career homers #755 and #756, which will tie and break the all-time career record currently held by Hank Aaron. I was a Bonds fan back when he weighed a little less and was leading the Pirates to pennants. Now? I'd rather not see him break Aaron's record (for obvious, oft-talked about reasons), but it's going to happen. And I'll probably talk about it more as Barry closes in on the mark.

That graph got me to looking at some numbers, namely where the various sluggers sat at the age of 30. Here are the digits:

Bonds: 275 (or right around that number)
Aaron: 342
Babe Ruth: 284
Alex Rodriguez: 451
Ken Griffey: 398
Andruw Jones: 345

Cardinals first baseman Albert Pujols, who is 27, is on pace for about 375 homers by the time he reaches 30.

Bonds' numbers jumped noticably from age 35 and on. From 30-39, Barry jacked 444 home runs. Let's put that into perspective. In that 10-year span, Bonds hit more home runs than all but 33 major league baseball players have piled up over their entire career.

Aaron was much more consistent. He smacked 329 homers from ages 21-29 and 371 homers from ages 30-39. Ruth's numbers accelerated from ages 31-36, when he averaged over 50 homers per year.

What's my point? I'm not quite sure any more, but I think I began this post to point out that A-Rod, Pujols and Jones could all surpass Bonds if their 30s go as well as Barry's or Babe's did.

Does this ever work?

2007-05-21T10:56:00.000-06:00

Thanks to my sister, Margaret, I became hooked on Henning Mankell over the past year. He is a Swedish author who mainly writes detective fiction (but is branching out), and his lead character over the years is Kurt Wallander. I finished "Before the Frost" over the weekend (my ninth Mankell book, I believe), and the timing was perfect for a couple reasons. One, I was in Chicago for Marg's graduation. Two, "Before the Frost" basically ends on September 11, 2001, and my next read (Thomas Friedman's "Longitudes and Attitudes") is based around that date. More on that work in a future post.

Anyway, I did a quick search this morning and found that Wallander has made the transition to the TV screen. I'm intrigued but skeptical.

Off the top of my head, I can't think of any times when a big screen movie or TV movie based on a novel lived up to my reading of said writing. Wait...let me add to that. I can't recall a time when a film based on a novel that I enjoyed lived up to my expectations and imagination.

Anyone? Does this ever work?

More good news

2007-05-18T10:46:00.000-06:00

Tim has started his own blog, titled "Purple Monkey Dishwasher."
I'll let you google the phrase to figure it out.

News

2007-05-18T10:35:00.000-06:00

First, let me apologize for not posting very often recently. I might not feel quite so bad if the previous post wasn't such a downer.

I can make it up to at least three of you. Ben, Tim and Wally...this news may excite you.

Tecmo Bowl is coming back.

I'm both unbelievably excited and sadly wary. Will they stick to the standards of the game we all knew and loved? Meaning, will L.T. basically be unstoppable like Bo Jackson was? Will Tim be able to pass for 12,000 yards with Peyton Manning by week 10? Will QB Bills still be QB Bills? Will there be a hidden Wayne Haddix character that we can unlock?

Chances are, the new version will fall short of expectations. How could it not? Chances are, the new version will be the reason I spend 100s of dollars to buy some gaming system after not having one for nearly a decade.

Warm Weather, Bad People

2007-05-10T10:55:00.000-06:00

A quick word or three of caution for the city folks. On a positive note, the warm Minnesota weather brings people outdoors and causes us to be footloose and care-free. Sadly, this time of year and those feelings also embolden the ill-intentioned among us. Deb was mugged about a half-block away from my apartment last night. The oh-so-bold attacked two in front and one behind. They punched her two or three times in the face, ripped her shirt, and took her purse and wallet. Good times.

She's fine, relatively speaking. Her jaw hurts a little, she's understandably shaken, she's out $50 and some personal items, and has to make a bunch of phone calls and run around to get new cards and IDs and stuff. But it could have been worse.

This runs the total of people I know who've been mugged from "way too many" to "way, way too many." So, everyone, be safe when you're walking in any city streets this summer.

Awwww...

2007-05-09T10:05:00.000-06:00

At the risk of further damaging other people's view of my manliness, I present the following link. Yeah, I'm a big softie.

http://dailypuppy.com/

Softball

2007-05-07T10:25:00.000-06:00

I blame my advancing age on the fact that I tweaked my lower back last Wednesday and am still questionable for this Wednesday's contest. It's sad. In honor of my misfortune, I present a Simpson's clip:

You don't know when to quit, do you Saxie-boy?

Questions

2007-04-27T10:19:00.000-06:00

These questions have arisen in my life lately, and I'm curious as to other people's answers...

1) If forced to choose, would you opt to give up beer or meat?

2) If forced to choose, would you opt to give up alcohol or sex?

3a) Would you give up your pinky finger (painlessly) for $1 million?
3b) If not, would you have a price?

4a) Would you give up your pinky toe for $10?
4b) Seriously? Who needs those things? All they do is go "wee wee wee" all the way home.
4c) No, really, how about about $300,000?

Radio

2007-04-26T12:27:00.000-06:00

"He didn't respond to 'Radio' when I asked him to climb up the tree and get the ball."
--Dave

At our pre-season party, our softball team realized that we have a lack of nicknames. Most people have taken to calling me "Uncle Ted" and our manager sometimes is referred to as "Captain," but that's about it. We started to brainstorm at the party when Captain Miranda declared that Tim should be known as Radio. Let me explain.

Tim played on the team the last couple years, but he bowed out in 2007 due to bad ankles. He plays a lot of soccer and his joints can only take so much wear-and-tear. But he is still coming to the softball games in his uniform and hanging out because he loves us. That is the only reason why Miranda called him "Radio." He's like the super-fan hanging out on the bench. Only he doesn't get very excited. The nickname has nothing to do with any of Tim's physical or mental attributes. [Insert older brother Ben joke here.]

Tim doesn't particularly like the nickname, it's not ideal, and it's not sticking very well. But we keep discussing it, and Dave produced the above quote on Wednesday night. I was the only one to start laughing uncontrollably...which now makes me think it's not a bloggable quote. Oh well. Too late.

Come one, come all!

2007-04-23T21:21:00.000-06:00

A message from the manager of my softball team (Realty Executives, aka "Team America"):

"Realty Executives Fans,

Coming off a tough loss to Neil Diamond (16-18) last week, we're
pleased to announce plans for Fan Appreciation Night this Wednesday,
April 25 at 6:30 p.m. We promise the first 10 fans in the "stands" -
blankets and lawn chairs encouraged - will receive a fabulous 2007 Fan
Appreciation Night gift of some kind.

The game is at Brackett Park, Diamond #5 (E 28th St & 38th Ave S,
Minneapolis 55406) vs. the Rowdies. Be there as right-hander Stacy
Maher takes on the Rowdies' Anna Kerr at 6:55 p.m.

Friends and family are welcome, and it should be a beautiful evening
outdoors. We hope to see you!"

If you're in the Twin Cities area, be sure to come on over to the ol' ballyard. You don't want to miss this, folks. I'll be wearing my red socks...and I'm not quite as dedicated as this guy.

Recycling

2007-04-23T12:12:00.000-06:00

My mom has recently been taking on the task of cleaning out my dad's old office. This is not your traditional, movie-set office built out of rich mahogany and lined with leather-bound books. My father's basement dwelling featured an array of old desks, random tables, very old radios, rolled up rugs, kids' beds, boxes, shelves...you name it. And he is an "organized chaos" type, meaning that he has stacks of papers here, there, and everywhere, and what's in the stacks doesn't necessarily make sense. For instance, we've found old birthday cards, co-worker resumes, and brochures for Florida vacations mixed amongst financial statements from companies in California. It made sense to him, I guess.

My mom would prefer to have a bulldozer come into the room and plow everything away. She has taken the more prudent approach of at least looking through the papers and shredding documents with account numbers or other important info. But otherwise she's basically shoving everything into garbage bags and saying goodbye.

I'm not one to cause a fuss or impede important progress, but it makes me a little mad that she's not necessarily recycling all this paper. Last week, I came up with the plan to quietly start taking papers with me and recycling them at my apartment building. My mom caught me yesterday afternoon, and I'm not sure she appreciated my efforts. I received a series of guilt-laden lines like:

"Okay, Ted, if it will make you feel better, I'll dig through those bags in the garage and make sure all the paper gets recycled."

"Well, if it will help you sleep at night..."

Sigh. My relationship with my mom has changed quite a bit since my dad's death, and I don't take it very well when she's upset. Or mockingly upset. I know she's just giving me crap because all she wants to do is get the house clean so she can sell it, and she doesn't want to deal with things like recycling paper.

But I do, dammit. At least a little bit.

Boring, boring, boring, boring!

2007-04-20T13:43:00.000-06:00

So, I'm a little bored waiting for the Friday workday to end and a string of birthday parties to begin. After cycling through my bookmarks, reading all the sties that I care to read, and playing all the games I care to play, I hopped to Google and simply wrote "Nothing to do on Mars." Yes, I mis-quoted the song from "Waiting For Guffman," but I'm pretty sure I came across a fan of the film. Illustrator and author Chris Gall will release this book in September:

If you're not a fan of "Waiting For Guffman," this post will mean nothing to you. The film, which parodies small-town folk producing a musical, includes a song titled "Nothing Ever Happens on Mars." It's quite brilliant and humorous, I assure you.

Because...

2007-04-19T10:46:00.000-06:00

1) I'm lazy.
B) I have soccer tonight.
Thirdly) This is sweet.

MESSIDONA
Uploaded by ManoloDoBombo

Mozaic

2007-04-18T09:17:00.000-06:00

You've undoubtedly heard of mosaics, right? The first thing that comes to mind for me are designs or images made out of colored tiles. Or glass. Or photographs.

What I want to introduce (or re-introduce) to you today is Mozaic. Totally different. Totally sweet. You see...there's a "z" instead of an "s" and a blue "o". Sweet! And it sometimes is a capital "Z" instead of lower case. How zany and cool is that?!?

Tell me more, Ted! What is Mozaic?

"Mozaic is a place where people, ideas, and energy mix, mingle and coalesce - creating a community that is more than the sum of its parts. This is Mozaic."

Shoot...that pretty much says it all, yeah? What do you mean you threw up amidst all that punctuation (mis)usage? That's okay. Throwing up is allowed at Mozaic. Everything is allowed, including nudity. The web site tells us so.

My other favorite part of this future Uptown ~~eyesore~~ Shangri-La is the names of the condo floors. Earth, Water, Fire, Air, Life, Time, Space, Aura! How chic! What panache! Somehow my current life feels incomplete because I live on "floor one" of my apartment building. Maybe I can petition to get it changed to "Sky" or "Cosmos" or "Love" or "Crotch"

Oh, and I'm super happy that The Drink will survive the renovation.

Edit: The author erroneously referred to "Drink." as "The Drink" in the above piece. He realizes that Drink. is a super hip name and regrets his own inadequacies and lack of coolness.

Pearl wants her money

2007-04-17T08:51:00.000-06:00

Thanks Tim!

Dammit, the embedding video doesn't seem to be working. So you'll have to click here to watch Will Ferrell and "Pearl" in "The Landlord."

The Neither-Here-Nor-There News

2007-04-16T10:15:00.000-06:00

I went swimming yesterday. In a pool. At a gym. There was a point in my life when propelling my body through water was fairly easy, but that was about 30 pounds and 11 years ago. Marni, Amy and I took my mom's boat out onto Pleasant Lake, the mighty ship was tossed, and we all swam ashore. Well, at least I did. I think my parents' scotch-slugging neighbor picked Marni and Amy up in his foot-pedal watercraft.

Anyway, I swam pretty well back in high school. Now? Not so much. I lasted about 15 minutes and something like 20 laps. Maybe 18. I don't recall. The lack of air made me lose count. Why did I go swimming in the first place? Good question. Over the past few weeks, I've had several conversations that basically go like this:

Workout Ted: "You should go swimming. It's a good workout for your entire body."
Sensible Ted: "I tried that three years ago. It didn't go very well, remember?"
Workout Ted: "Yeah, but maybe you were just being a baby. You can go longer this time."
Sensible Ted: "Why would I be able to go longer? I'm older and not in swimming shape."
Workout Ted: "Come on! You just need to push yourself!"
Sensible Ted: "No."
Workout Ted: "Yes."

...and so on. I finally caved in, and sensible Ted was basically correct. Sensible Ted's other argument is that my total workout time (walk to gym, change in locker room, shower, swim, shower, change in locker room, walk home) is over an hour, but I only actually workout for about one-fourth of that time. Seems like a waste, right?

Workout Ted: "Let's go again on Tuesday! We'll get better at this and be able to swim longer."
Sensible Ted: Sigh.

The positive news...

2007-04-15T11:54:00.000-06:00

Although Amber advised otherwise, I am still dating my ladyfriend - who will henceforth be referred to as "Deb," since that is her name. Over the past two weeks, many of my friends have met the face behind the brief stories. Karah and Kevin, my softball team, and my high school crowd were all introduced to Deb, and, not surprisingly, she received very good reviews. That sentence probably sounds a little more demeaning than intended, but first encounters often carry the feeling/worry of "go ahead and judge me." You always want your friends to like your girlfriends or other friends, right? It doesn't always work out in one's favor and sometimes you just need to say "so be it" and move on.

But, ideally, people will come up to me and say, "I really like Deb!" And then I smile and nod. That's happened quite a bit lately, so I'm pretty pleased on that front.

That being said, Deb has yet to encounter a number of influential people in my life (such as my mom, Chelsea, and some of the voices in my head), and I have yet to really meet anyone outside of her sister. Who knows, maybe they'll dislike me, right? I mean, I know that sounds implausible, but some people have not enjoyed my company in the past...so it's possible. I'm much like the Desert Grassland whiptail lizard in that way.

Wasted Weekend

2007-04-10T12:09:00.000-06:00

I can't say he didn't warn me, but I do still blame him. My buddy Tim sent me a link to a major time-waster last Friday. It is known as Desktop Tower Defense. Creative name, huh? Click at your own risk. Anyway, I spent way too much of my weekend trying to master the medium level...and finally achieved my goal on Monday night. Do I dare move onto the hard setting?

I think not. For now, anyway. I'm still kicking myself for playing, eating, sleeping, dreaming this game over the past four days. I'll admit that I actually thought up my successful strategy while walking to the gym on Sunday night...and I didn't actually get in a workout. From now on, everytime I dream of opening the game, I'll think about this guy:

This hunk of hot man-meat is Billy Mitchell. He's the first person to ever complete and entire game of Pac-Man without losing a life. It's something to aspire to, I suppose. I actually watched a bit about him (and other gamers) on MTV a number of years ago, and he presumably has a spot in the Guinness Book. That's more than I can say about me.

Clique

2007-04-10T12:01:00.000-06:00

Holy crap! Hanson is back!

Sweet Schedule

2007-04-10T08:31:00.000-06:00

Minnesota Timberwolves (32-45) remaining schedule:
vs. DAL (4/11)
vs. SA (4/11)
at GS (4/15)
at DEN (4/16)
vs. MEM (4/18)

The Wolves have no business hanging with the Mavericks, Spurs or Nuggets, and the Warriors are currently battling for the final playoff spot. The Grizzlies? They should have the worst record in the NBA locked up by the season finale. The Wolves have a good shot of losing all five of these games, especially if they tank the Memphis game like last year.

Why is that a good thing? The Wolves currently own the 10th-worst record in the NBA. They are tied with the Knicks (how sad is that?), but Isiah Thomas' boys own the tiebreaker (how sad is that?). As I noted in a previous post, if the Wolves end up with a top-10 pick in the 2007 draft, they keep the selection. If the Wolves pick 11th or higher, they will hand the selection to the L.A. Clippers. Finishing with the 10th-worst record will not assure them of landing a draft pick...but the odds will be in their favor.

Good Start

2007-04-05T11:45:00.000-06:00

I was walking from the parking lot to our work building today when I crossed paths with a co-worker. The following conversation took place:

Me: (jokingly) "Headed home already?"

Co-Worker: (checks watch) "Well, I did come in at 5:30, but I'm leaving now because I'm going to be with my sister-in-law who is having a brain tumor removed."

Me: "Oh...umm...well, sorry. I...uh...didn't mean to be joking."

Co-Worker: "Yep, have a good day."

Me: "Good luck!"

Can I Come?

2007-04-03T11:52:00.000-06:00

I want to party with Joakim Noah. Just once.

I think that's all I could take, but, really, I don't know. Clearly, I don't know.

I wanted to post the video directly on this site, but, well, I'm not so tech savvy. Maybe someone will give me a pointer? Anyone? Ben? Amber? Karah? Sherman?

Mmmm....

2007-04-03T11:29:00.000-06:00

We're only two days into the baseball season, and I can already taste the two free lunches that are coming my way. Salomon Torres hammered down his first save of the season on Monday night. 14 more saves until Free Lunch #1. 15 more saves until Free Lunch #2.

And, no, I won't post every time he gets a save because, yes, I realize I'm the only person who cares about this.

Layoffs

2007-04-01T12:16:00.000-06:00

The aforementioned work-related whispers proved true. On Friday, my company fired about 14 of our 60-ish employees. My particular department was reduced from nine full-time and three part-time people to seven full-time workers. I survived the cut, which is nice, but it was sad to see some of my buddies get the bad news.

This is the second time I've been through such a process, and anyone who has been through it knows how it feels. Some sadness, some anger, some confusion, much worry, many questions.

My biggest question may now be: What do I do with the rest of my life?

It's possible that our reduced, refocused workforce will right the struggling ship. A lot of my colleagues believe that will be the case. But it's also possible that we only have a short time to prove much to ownership. I'm pretty sure no more layoffs will happen before January 2008 (our sales are heavily weighted towards Q4), and I'm looking at that as a rough timeline for taking a hard look at my future.

Any ideas? Other than becoming a Bowflex model, I mean.

Brother and Sister

2007-04-01T12:11:00.000-06:00

I previously mentioned a brother with a pregnant wife and a sister in love. Well, here they are! Two of my three lovely siblings...

(Circa 1999)

And, yes, I did spend some time with a scanner recently. Why do you ask?

Ladies Man

2007-03-30T09:29:00.000-06:00

Ladies and gentlemen...Ben Bousquet! Author of The Wav-Town Files.