MN sports

In the on-going crappyness that is MN sports, I present this update to Bauschy's previous post:

Team runs since the All-Star break:
28. Rangers: 144
29. Indians: 142
30. Twins: 112

Dead last...and it's not even close.

Team ERA since the All-Star break:
1. Blue Jays: 3.12
2. Twins: 3.59
3. Rockies: 3.78

I love good pitching, but it seems like our rotation is going to implode soon. How many nights in a row can you toe the rubber thinking, "If I give up two runs, we're going to lose"?

The good news is that the Vikings defense has scored four touchdowns through two preseason games. They'll need to keep it up. The offense has crossed the goal line once and may need five or six regular season contests to pile up four touchdowns.

Maybe I need to start watching hockey...

Neurogenesis

Reason #398 why I need to exercise more: Neurogenesis.

"As you get older, your brain gets smaller, and one of the areas most prone to this shrinkage is the hippocampus. (This can start depressingly early, in your 30’s.) Many neurologists believe that the loss of neurons in the hippocampus may be a primary cause of the cognitive decay associated with aging."

Sweeeet. Stupid 30s.

Mr. Riches

No, that's not my new nickname after Wednesday's Power-Ball. That's the dude who is suing Michael Vick, as seen in this riveting document. It's a must-read for people who are able to read.

Sigh

A few weeks ago, I became Death. I'm not sure if you knew this or not. Probably not. I don't talk about it very much. I'm pretty humble about the whole thing. At the same time, three of my friends were dubbed War, Pestilence and Famine, and we four males were subject to Karah's bidding.

Or something like that. I don't recall all the details. Beer and shots were involved in the creation and planning processes.

Anyway, apparently my reign isn't putting much fear into my followers. The people of Mexico City have "unveiled a softer image" of Death. Famine and War are going to make so much fun of me. This sucks.

Salespersonship

I'm not a salesman. This much I know about myself. This much my friends could probably tell you about me. For instance, I couldn't do this.

But I realized today how poor I am at convincing other people to do stuff. This afternoon I attempted to get my colleagues to smell an otherwise inconspicuous jar of peanut butter. "Why?" was the obvious question from the mob. And I had no better response than "Just do it," which didn't work.

For the record, the chunky peanut butter in question carried an expiration date of April 2005. And it smelled like...well, I haven't quite figured that out. Imagine wearing a pair of socks 50 times for working out. Then take those sweat-soaked socks and store them behind your fridge. Take them out when they are dusty and moldy. Now smell.

Steelers New Mascot

Gotta love those Steelers! Right, Karah?

Check out their new mascot: Steely McBeam.

No, I did not make that name up. If I did, it would have been Ike Ironsides. Or Theo Three-Rivers. Or Freddy Five-Super-Bowl-Rings-Bitches.

More on Bonds

By no means do I believe our political leaders need to be well-versed or even interested in sports, but I still found President Bush's quotes about Barry Bonds to be quite amusing. Especially since Mr. Bush owned part of the Texas Rangers for five years and regularly attended games, which means he should know a thing about the sports and the impact of performance-enhancing drugs. My two favorite responses from the AP article:

--On whether Bonds record is tainted or should have an asterisk:

"There is a lot of speculation about Barry Bonds, and my only advice for people is to just let history be the judge. Let's find out the facts, and then everybody's opinion -- one way or the other -- will be verified or not verified... It really depends on what the facts are, and it's going to be up to them to make the determination as to asterisk, but more importantly, it will be the Hall of Fame... In the meantime, anybody who knows the game will tell you, Barry Bonds is a great hitter."

That's funny for multiple reasons. First, the "find out the facts" part because...well, you know, that whole Iraq thing. Second, the last line is priceless. Really? Bonds is pretty good, huh? We didn't know that, sir. We're thankful that you, an informed viewer of the sport, can lend such insight.

--On steroids:
"I think it's bad for the game."

Sensational!

I have to rant for a moment. Both on ESPN and on Yahoo! this morning, journalists used the word "unlikely" to describe the man who caught Barry Bonds' 756th home run. Yahoo(exclamation point!) went as far as to label Matt Murphy "the most unlikely fan."

Really?

1) He was at the game and sitting in the outfield.
2) He is a 22-year-old male who appears to be in at least decent physical condition.

Who else was going to come out of that scrum with the ball? Apparently the three-year-old kid sitting behind the plate was more likely to catch the ball than Mr. Murphy. Apparently me sitting in my apartment in Minneapolis had a better shot than the "most likely fan."

Hooray!

You can now discard the "potential" in front of the "future brother-in-law" listing.


Deb, if you're reading this, don't get any crazy ideas...

Jealous

I'm very jealous right now. My sister and potential, future brother-in-law are currently in Cape Town and have forwarded some pictures.


Lucky bastards.

35W pics

Thanks to Karah for the link. Someone with a camera who was close to the action and quick to react:

Collapse

What to do?

I just realized that today is August 6. That means tomorrow is my parents' anniversary, the first one since my father's death. I think it's tomorrow, anyway. Year after year after year I've gotten the date wrong. Usually I think it's the 10th.

I have no idea what to do. I don't know what my mom will do. The good news is that my aunt and uncle are in town, so at least she has some people in the house with her. I suppose I'll just go over there tomorrow night. Any brilliant ideas?

Explanation

I knew the government was behind this!

Possible explanation of 35W bridge collapse.

Update: that web site is scary

35W

So...umm...yeah. Not so good times in Minneapolis. My softball teammates, Deb, and I were scheduled to meet at a bar very close to the now-collapsed 35W bridge before heading to the Twins game. I must have arrived at the bar about three minutes before the bridge went down. Deb showed up less than 10 minutes after me and said she saw smoke. She thought it was dust from the construction, as the news hadn't spread yet. And we were maybe 1/4 mile from the bridge.

I'm sure Ben or Tim will soon tell their father's tale. He was driving across the bridge when it started to collapse. Their dad actually had to drive up the falling pavement. He looked in his rearview mirror and saw no more bridge in place. I have no idea how fast he was going, but it sounds like he was damn fortunate. I know their father pretty well and wasn't surprised when Tim said his dad said something like, "I'm fine. No scratches on the car." My guess would be that the incident sunk in a little more last night and through today.

Anyway, I'm happy he's safe. I'm sad about all the people who were not so lucky.

Update: Read Ben's post for more details.

Guitar Hero

This is a photo from my first and only foray into the world of "Guitar Hero." I dominated Deb, and you can see why. She bothers to look at and pose for the camera. Me? I give a token smile, but my eyes never leave the screen.