Ladies Man

Ladies and gentlemen...Ben Bousquet! Author of The Wav-Town Files.

Lazy

The lack of posts may suggest that nothing interesting is going on in my life. Not true, I say. I've simply been lazy about writing it all down here. In the interest of my laziness, here's a brief overview of my recent life:

1) I'm going to be an uncle. My sister-in-law is three months along, as of Wednesday. I'm not supposed to know about this yet. And I'm not supposed to tell anyone. Shhhh!

2) My sister in Chicago is in love. This isn't new news, but my mom recently met the guy and talks about the besotted couple every time we're on the phone. I'll be shocked if my sister isn't married - or at least engaged - by the end of the calendar year. Knock on wood.

As an aside, the origin of the word "news" once came up in a holiday Trivial Pursuit battle. The three Men vs. the three Women. The more obvious (and correct) answer is that news is essentially the plural of new. Thus, news is a group of things/items/stories that are new. However, before we ever came up with that answer, my dad deduced that news was an acronym for North, East, West, South - thus a newspaper would be a collect of items from all directions. We thought the answer quite clever and went with it. We were wrong. But I digress...

3) I've also met a lady friend. Unfortunately for you, that's all I'm going to say on that subject. It's going well at the moment, and I don't want to jinx it.

4) After about three months of what felt like walking through sludge, my mother and I signed off on some big financial stuff on Tuesday. It felt good to finally take a big step in the right direction.

Those are the good things...the bad?

5) Word around the office is that a round of layoffs is coming on Friday. As in two days from now. Do I think I'll be on the list? No, but I'm still nervous and it's still a bad sign.

6) In conjunction with #4, it's become more and more apparent over the past couple weeks that my mom and I were given an unwise piece of financial advice. Given my lack of knowledge in investment products, I feel a little odd making such a statement, but every person we checked with strongly urged us not to invest in the advised product. We were smart enough to do our due diligence (an overused phrase, by the way) and seek outside council. The bad part is that the advice came from a man who has known my dad and family for 30-some years. I want to believe he really is just looking out for our best interest. I want to believe he isn't just trying to sell us his product. I want to believe he didn't actually use some underhanded, sleazy tactics to try and persuade my mom and I to invest in his product - but he did. And that fucking sucks...pardon my language. My dad would be openly furious, and it often took a lot for that man to show such emotion.

That's all I have at the moment...

Overheard

From a co-worker:

"I fucking can't stand getting my hair cut. I fucking hate that...it's probably because I don't have a regular person...I hate going into some shitshack and sitting down for a knucklehead...I should just pretend I'm deaf."

Wolves Win...dammit

To paraphrase Colonel Nathan R. Jessep:

You fuckin' people. You have no idea how to run a basketball franchise. All you did was weaken a city today, KG. That's all you did. You put future ticket sales in danger. Sweet dreams, son.

Kevin Garnett hit a last-second shot to beat the Trailblazers on Sunday night. That's not a good thing. My interest in the Timberpuppies has waned considerably in recent years, but I follow them enough to know they shouldn't be winning right now.

If I'm reading the ESPN page correctly, the Wolves are currently tied for the 10th-worst record in the NBA, and Garnett's crew has 13 games remaining in the regular season. If the Wolves end up with a top-10 pick in the 2007 draft, they keep the selection. If the Wolves pick 11th or higher, they will hand the selection to the L.A. Clippers. Scouts believe the 2007 draft will be one of the best in years - beginning (potentially) with a number of studs people have been recently watching in the NCAA tournament. Think Kevin Durant, Greg Oden, Julian Wright, Al Horford, Brandan Wright, Joakim Noah, Jeff Green, Roy Hibbert, Acie Law, Corey Brewer...

If the Wolves are ever going to succeed again in the Garnett era, we want them on that pick. We need them at that pick.

This is Sparta?

Karah, Kevin and I finally made it to "300" on Saturday night, and as you might recall, I was pretty excited to see the movie. Unfortunately, my attendance came only because of a dog who ate too much food. I was slated to go downtown with a group of college friends, namely one couple, but said couple's pooch began repeatedly throwing up in the mid-evening. I received a short phone call that went something like this:

"Hi Ted. We're taking Howie to the hospital. Blood is coming out of his ears, his stomach feels pointy, and...oh, he's throwing up again. Talk to you later."

Okey dokey. Testing thankfully discovered that Howie found a stash of dog food at a friend's house and ate and ate and ate and ate. X-rays showed that his stomach was about five times its normal size.

But I digress. Since those plans were dashed by Howie's indulgence, I was able to join K&K for the flick. I was thinking something along the lines of: "Wonderful, legendary tale, cool visual effects, excellent reviews, box office hit...what could go wrong?"

Well, I looked at a bunch of reviews on RottenTomatoes and found that this line from Fred Topel at CanMag that fit my feelings well:

"300 is clearly ambitious and succeeds on the visual and visceral levels that are its priority. But it has a lot of space to fill in between and that's where it kind of falls apart."

I also agreed with Topel's feelings about the ending, although I would have added one point. Herodotus' version of Leonidas' death is much better than (presumably) Frank Miller's take. You can read my previous post for Herodotus' tale, and I won't ruin anything by saying what happens at the end of this movie.

Overall, I think I expected more because what is written in history is so much more gripping than what happens in this movie. Films based on books (fiction or non-fiction) almost always fail to live up to what you've read, and this was the case for me. I neglected to take into consideration that this particular film was based off a graphic novel that was based loosely off of history.

Ouch

Fark line on Friday: "Skyscrapers in Minnesota will turn off their lights at night so they won't attract migratory birds. In other news, there are skyscrapers in Minnesota."

Ha ha ha...wait, that's where I live! Damn you, Fark.

Smell the Love

Generally speaking, my department at work is not, umm, well respected. We affectionately call our walled-in (or walled-off, depending on your point of view) area of the office "The Leper Colony." It is an appropriate name. I'd explain more, but I don't want to air too much dirty laundry about my job, office politics, etc.

Anyway, we hit a new low today. A senior member of the company has brought his dog into work the past few days. At about 3:00 today, said animal jaunted into our enclosed commune, pissed on the floor, and left. We inquired about the owner's whereabouts and discovered he was in a one-on-one meeting with someone else in our company. Not a huge deal. The owner can come clean it up in 15 minutes or so, right?

Time passes and at about 3:20, the dog comes skipping back into our area and proceeds to poop across about a 10-foot area. My boss decides to take action and slips a note under the meeting room door. Something like, "Hey, your dog took a dump in the middle of our floor. Please come clean it up." Does the embarrassed owner excuse himself from the meeting? Does he come to our area and apologize? No, he looks around the corner, sees the poop, chuckles, and heads back to his closed-door meeting.

Sweet. Thanks. Wow, we really feel important right now.

The positive side of the story is that most of us left shortly after 3:30.

Proof

For all you doubters:

Zapped

I'd love to tell you that Monday night played out in an ideal fashion.

I'd love to hold your hand through a three-game span leading to Ziggy's Zappers as the Shoreview rec champs.

I'd love to explain the karmic, pre-game feeling I received when I heard "Cannonball" by the Breeders.

I'd love to say my brothers and I exorcised the demons of 11 years ago and finally had a successful postseason.

I'd love to feel like I didn't give in to laziness and hunger and get Taco Bell.

Unfortunately, none of these things are true. Ziggy's Zappers fell in the second round of our men's rec league tournament. I was too upset to check the final score, but the Dirty 13th vanquished the ol' men by something like 60-45. I'd love to tell you that the refs cost us the game, but, again, that would be untrue. They probably only cost us about 10 points. Maybe 12. Dirty 13th was the better team on this night

Sigh.

To make matters worse, the Zappers came out looking a bit like jackasses. We are normally one of the more reserved clubs in the league - which isn't a particularly strong statement. That would be like Matthew Fox claiming to be the most successful alumnist from "Party of Five." Anyway, the Zappers exchanged heated words with the refs on more than one occasion (for good reason, darnit!) and eventually earned two technicals. Of course, the 13th spent the whole first half complaining and didn't draw the ire of the zebras...but whatever. They could do no wrong.

Yeah, I'm bitter.

MTV Unplugged

Until about an hour ago, I was under the impression that MTV stopped producing "Unplugged" sometime in the 1990s. Why do I care? Aside from enjoying the show on occasion during my youth, my relationship to music is tied to the show. I believe the 10,000 Maniacs Unplugged was the first CD I ever purchased. (Yeah, feel free to make fun of me.) I became mildly obsessed with the band "Live" after I saw them on the show, and the Eric Clapton Unplugged CD led me to listen to Robert Johnson. And I believe the Unplugged session was really the only time I liked Nirvana.

Anyway, apparently the show is still going strong. In fact, they've had two shows within the past five months. Those artists? Korn and Ricky Martin. Way to go MTV. Always on the cutting edge, huh? Getting those up-and-coming, hot artists?

Legally Blond(e)

"...as if she were playing the role, as a boyfriend once accused her, of the dumb blonde, although she was neither blond nor dumb."

I read across this sentence in "The Lost Painting" last night, and in the interest of time and space, I cut out the first half of the line. Amazingly, the author used five more commas and a dash in the sentence. My internal alarm clock goes off any time I reach the four-comma mark in a single line, and I can't imagine using eight commas and a dash.

But that was pushed aside by the uses of "blonde" and "blond." My memory wasn't working very well following the spring ahead in time, but I thought the second instance should have also used the "e" at the end of word. I made mental note to check today, and here's what I found:

Bartleby: "Blonde is the usual adjective and noun applied to females, blond to males, although the noun blond is occasionally applied to women too."

Englishplus.com: "The words blond and blonde come from the French and follow somewhat the French pattern. Blond (without the e) is used to describe males, mixed gender, or uncertain gender. Blonde refers to women or female gender."

Jonathan Harr could have used either version of blond(e) in either case and been okay, but I believe he chose well. He obviously opted for the sexist "blonde" in the first case and followed up with the neutral, non-sexist "blond." Makes sense to me.

The Quarterback

I think I aged 20 years in the past two days. On Tuesday night, Charles Schwab gave me two tickets to a private suite at the Timberwolves game. 'Twas not a big deal - other than the fact that I haven't been honored in such a way since I was about 12 years old. Back then, I was the smiling kid trailing behind my successful father. They were buttering up him, not me.

On Wednesday, I found out I have people. And I'm their quarterback. Huh? Me?


I have no fewer than six financial advisors, two accountants, two personal bankers, and one lawyer. They're my people. According to them, I'm their quarterback, and I need to coordinate all of them in the name of the team owner - my mom. Yikes.

These people are supposed experts in their fields, and they aren't in charge of one cent that belongs to me. Yet they listen to what I say because my mom pays them to. Me, a guy who knows little about anything outside of fantasy football.

Betwixt you and me, I'm quite intimidated and scared by my task. This is my inheritance. This is what my dad and I talked about in the few, brief moments we had while he was sick. My mom would tell me that my dad is watching over me...and wincing every time I make a mistake or ask a stupid question.

Words I Made Up: Gabbling

Technically, I did not invent the word "gabble," but I think my definition is unique.

Gabble
Function: verb
Etymology: a train in Chicago, January 2007, a mishearing of the word "gambling"
--To use a hard-luck story as a means of obtaining money.

Other forms: gabbler, gabbling, gabbled

"On the way from Midway airport to downtown Chicago, Ted was gabbled out of $20. Ted hopes the gabbler's 10-year-old son got the birthday present he wanted."

March Madness!

March Madness is here, folks. The #5-seeded Ziggy Zappers squeaked out a 74-71 win over the Wolfpack (#12 seed) on Monday night. The Zappers brought their C-level game to the table and fell behind early. But we kept our heads up and fought through cold streaks on the offensive end of the court. The snarlin’, bitin’, scratchin’, fightin’ Wolfpack were led by a Randolph Childress-esque performance by their point guard, who probably had 40 points on the night. In the end, though, the Zappers showed the necessary poise and heart to keep the upset from happening.

Yep, my team is Ziggy’s Zappers, which is named after my high school coach. Zig Kauls has been leading Mounds View basketball for about 42 years, and most of my teammates attended that fine institution with me. Our victory came after #7 Lights Out took down #2 Boston Scientific and #8 Just The Tip upset #1 Ice. Yep, the top two seeds were knocked out early, which leaves hope for the remaining club.

The Zappers are now set to face the fourth-ranked Dirty 13th squad next Monday at 6:30. If we win that game, we’ll take on Just The Tip at 7:30. If we emerge victorious yet again, we play the championship match at 8:30. Can the Zappers’ old guys handle three games in a row?

Who knows? We’re just taking it one game at a time. Good Lord willing. 110 percent.

Oh, and check out the super-advanced Standings page. Sweet technology.

What's spanish for "Get 'Er Done"?

For some reason, ESPN is running today's NASCAR race in Spanish. The English version is on ESPN2. And, as of this moment, I've now watched more NASCAR in espanol over my life than I have in my native tongue.

No, I don't know why.

Hamdog

Karah has recently expressed concern about the lack of greens and variety in my diet. I know I'm not the picture of food pyramid perfection and I know I give in to temptation a little too often, but I'm not altogether upset with my diet. Could I use more broccoli? Sure.

Coincidentally, Mental_Floss posted a blog entry today about the worst foods ever. I've never indulged in any of these delicacies, although I believe there's a restaurant in Arden Hills that serves a version of the hamdog. What's that? In Mental_Floss' words: "Half hamburger, half hotdog, this bad boy is a hot dog wrapped in a beef patty, then deep fried and covered with chili, cheese, onions and topped with a fried egg."

First reaction? My heart hurts.
Second reaction? Hey, why no green peppers? Bacon?

In the right circumstances, I think my dad or brother could have come up with this monstrosity. With the exception of the deep fried part. My father was the type of eater who always mixed the items on his plate - basically no matter what it was. My brother also loves to smash foods together. I've been witness to some odd combinations in my day.

Yes, Karah, worse than mixing peanut butter, jelly, and cheese together in a sandwich...